Blindsided

You charmed me with kindness. You were so sweet to me. You made me laugh and could always put a smile on my face.

My family liked you and thought you were so great for me. I was so happy.

Years past by and things were changing. I was 20 years old and I got pregnant. I was so excited that I was going to have a baby. I’ve always wanted a family.

I went out and bought some stuff to surprise you with the news. When you got home I was excited that I couldn’t stop smiling.

You opened the gift, saw what it was.

Your reaction was not what I was expecting. You said. “I’m not ready for a kid. You need to make an appointment for an abortion, your not having this kid because I don’t want it.”

How could he say that? Why would he say that to me? I thought we were happy, I thought he loved me. We would always talk about starting a family and marriage.

I tried talking to him, trying to understand how and where he was coming from. Why the change of mind.

Two weeks past by he wasn’t really talking to me. He would just ask if I made an appointment yet. I still hadn’t, I really didn’t want to, I really want to have this baby. Have my baby.

Another two weeks past by and I still hadn’t made an appointment. But I also hadn’t decided if I was going to tell him no, I want this baby, or listen to him and get it done just so he wouldn’t be mad at me, but I would suffer for the rest of my life.

The following Tuesday he said we were going out, he was in a better mood. I thought to myself ( Has he finally accepted the fact that I am pregnant and we are going to have a baby?) 1 hr and 45 minutes in to our drive I realized what drive way he was pulling up too. He took me to a Planned Parent Hood clinic. He had made an appointment for me to get an abortion. He dropped me off and said he would be back in a few hrs to pick me up after the procedure.

I sat in the lobby not knowing what to think of this. I hear my name being called. I go with the nurse to the back room she gives me a gown and starts to ask me questions, then she started taking an ultrasound and that’s when I knew, I wanted my baby, I did not want to have an abortion. I went back to the lobby, waited until he got back to pick me up. He asked “How did it go?” with a smirk on his face. I let him know I did not go through with the abortion that I was keeping the baby.

By the end of the week he was very clear that if I didn’t abort the pregnancy that he was not going to be with me or help with anything. During this time I thought I was afraid of losing him because I loved him so much.

Time past and I was now 5 months into my pregnancy, I was so excited I was having a boy. Even though I was so happy, there was always a sadness around me. He would never go to the Dr. appointments with me or ultrasounds.

It was a Friday evening, I was laying on the couch in the living room in our apartment, he came home from “work” smelling of alcohol. He woke me up in a aggressive way told me “Since you didn’t get an abortion, you leave me no choice.”

After waking up from a brutal beat, realizing that I have lost my son. I also realized that I was never afraid of him leaving me, and being alone, I was afraid of him beating me if I even tried and how abusive he was physically, mentally, and verbally. I Blindsided myself just to not see the real truth, to see what was really going on, being in denial. When I look the blind fold off I was able to see all that he’s done and how evil he really was.

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